i think im not doing my job right. i hate talking about it in something i know other people will see. anything. ever since i was in elementary i have felt judged by everyone whenever i am with someone. friends, family. except kristen. ive never felt like she has judged me, i always feel comfortable around her. but lately. ive had this feeling. i dont know what it is. im so confused right now. i feel so lost and alone. i just wish i could talk to you the sameway i used to. did we talk differnt? it seems like your just becoming another hardcore girl. and when i think about it, you really arnt. i dont want you to be. your not as innocent as you were when i first met you. and there is nothing wrong with that, ive just noticed that we are differnt. we both are. its like we did alot of growing up together. but you mainly did it on your own. you used to cling on to me so tight. thats what i miss. i guess this is what journals are made for though. to write down your thoughts. why would anyone want this public? but i guess im going to make this one public to show that thoughts are meant to be private. not for everyone to see. what intimacy is there when things are the opposite.

this is my world, my life. thats why i dont write so much in xanga, unless its something i need to tell someone, or im just bored. theres one person who knows me best and thats God. but if He cant tell you anything about me through the ways He tells people and works through people, then ask ms rhodes, she knows me better, sometimes i think better then my mom. the person i take after the most is my dad. just about everypersonality i have is my dads. i respect my dad more than anyother man alive, i might not show it, but who really does?

i love kristen irene rhodes. its never felt so natural to say that and mean it.

she regrets alot of stuff, but so do i. and im asking everyone ho doesnt? if i regreted one thing and didnt learn anything from it, i would be a idiot. regrets are there so we can learn hpw to make ourselves feel better. loved ones are there to forgive and to help that person learn, and i guess i havent been doing that. because i have been living in the past too, because in reality that is all i have.

if we live in the past, how can we live in the present? if we live in the future, how can we live in the present. regret is something that is of the past and can be seen in the future. you have to put past and future together in the present to prevent regret.

ABOUT
01. Real Name: Manuel Jon Delgado
02. Hair Colour: brown to the black
03. Eye Color: brownish brown
04. Weight: 160
05. Height: 5'10"
06. Birthday: sept. 13th 1984
07. Star Sign: virgo
08. Siblings: angela and creesha
09. College Plans: fresno state
10. Piercings: elbow
SOCIAL LIFE
01. Best Friend: ms rhodes
02. Current Crush: ^^^^
03. Hobbies: photography, computers, music
04. Car: taxi
05. Job: sailor
06. Do you enjoy people? certainly not girls, they are the devil, except like 5, maybe 6
STUFF
01. Have you ever loved someone you had no chance with? chance? haha
02. Have You Ever Cried Over Something Someone of The Opposite Sex Did: im not gay if thats what your asking
03. Do You Have A "Type" Of Person You Always Go After: brown eyes, brown hair, well.... auburn or something like that now, about 120lbs i like the name kristen...
04. Want Someone You Don't Have Right Now: if you mean im not holding her in my arms, yea
05. Ever Liked a close Guy/Girl Friend: like atractiveness? lol, "im not a player, i just crush alot" -biggy
06. Are You Lonely Right Now: im in submarines, im 3000 miles away from any blood relative. yes. yes i am.
07. Do You Want To Get Married: who doesnt? oh wait, stupid people dont get married...
08. Do You Want Kids: about 23 of them, wait no, make it 24
FAVORITE
01. Room In house: anywhere no one is
02. Type of music: the good kind
03. Day Of The Week: no ever says tuesdays, so i will pick tuesday
04. Color: mid.... night..... bluuuuuuue
05. Perfume Or Cologne: my armpit
06. Flower: dandy lions, i think thats what they are called, they grow in the middle of the grass and they are yellow, oh man, i love those
07. Month: september? thats a retard question.
08. Season: fall, not autumn, but fall. its just so great.
09. Place to be kissed: lol, i dont think anyone will ever know, well except eneri
10. Location for dates: dates? favorite? um, i like getting caramel apples on a stick, my fav is the oreo kind
HISTORY
In the last 48 hours, have you...
01. Cried: did i? i forget
02. Bought Something: to much mcdonalds thats for sure
03. Gotten Sick: i have my moms blood, i never get sick
04. Sang: stupid question
05. Said I Love You: 8 times
06. Wanted To Tell Someone You Loved them, But Didn't: i wish i could tell her alllllll dayyyyy long, but i think she knows
07. Met Someone New: not really
08. Talked To Someone: kristen, sisters, mom, jaylen, everyone on the boat, this is a retarded question too
09. Had A Serious Talk: ehhhhh
11. Missed Someone: yes
12. Hugged Someone: nope, not since jan 1st, im saving my huggs for this one girl, i cant say, its secret
13. Kissed Someone: saving those too
14. Fought With Your Parents: i dont even talk to them
15. Dreamed About Someone You Can't Be With: again... physically? come one, more specific, your killing me here smalls
16. Had a lot of sleep: thats a typical teenager question

geee, i wonder who this survey was geared towards, thanks leslie.

oh man. its so cold today. i woke up and i was really cold, it kinda helped me get up, but i really didnt need the extra help. oh man, ive been going to bed earlier and waking up without a problem, sorry you have to wake me up to talk to me kristen, but isnt it better when i get you tired to and its you get to sleep earlier? plus i loooove waking up to you. i have to take a advancement test today to see if i get "promoted" at work today, its starts in a half hour, ive basically been studying it the last couple days in the class, i hate class, im in it alllll day long and its so much information to learn, its like they just throw it at you and expect you to catch it all. sometimes the officers are in there with us because they have to know this stuff too, oh man....

i need shit shave and shower now, minus the shower. and bruch my teeth

im seeing how the mcdonalds apple pie taste better this morning, cold or hot, so far im favoring hot.

You are SALUTE YOUR SHORTS. You are a wangsta who knows business. You have fun in the sun and know how to have a good laugh.

oh man, i loved that show, i wonder if its on DVD, ill check and GET IT!

it sucks being up late at night, everyone is sleeping